The Best Idea Roy Ever Had
by Hawk Clowd
Summary: It was a brilliant idea, perhaps the best idea he'd ever had. He had conveniently forgotten, however, that things tended to go very, very wrong when Edward was around. RoyEd


**Title:** The Best Idea Roy Ever Had

**Author:** Ren

**Disclaimer:** The last time it snowed, I made a snowball and put it in my freezer for safe keeping. While I may own the snowball, I most certainly do not own snow, isolated cabins, blankets, or any of the characters from _Fullmetal Alchemist_.

**Author's Notes:** I have never written blanket!fic in my life, but I guess now is as good a time as any to start. At least, that's what Sam tells me. Sam knows best.

---

Arranging this little get-away had taken far more effort than Roy had originally expected. First he had to find a spot that was wintry-inclined and would be suitable romantic without being so remote or in such an area that the military would feel the need to poke their noses in or so romantic that Edward would throw a fit. Then he had to make the appropriate arrangements so as to reserve a small house -- a cabin, really -- and transportation there. It had taken a great deal of trouble for him to get the week off work and even more to arrange a vacation for Edward while Alphonse was conveniently going to be away. It had taken time and money and an overabundance of charm to arrange this without arousing too much suspicion, and Roy had been looking forward to it. He was sure that even Edward could appreciate this. It was easily the best idea Roy had ever had.

He had, of course, conveniently ignored the fact that things tended to go very, very wrong when the Fullmetal Alchemist was about.

The problems started about two miles away from the cabin, when the car broke down and Roy and Edward were forced to trudge half an hour through the slush to their snowy getaway. Edward grumbled the entire way, complaining about faulty automobiles and how the cold bothered his automail and how he was sure to get frostbite around his ports and it was all going to be the colonel's fault. As a result, their first priority upon reaching the cabin was warming Edward before Roy grew to be too annoyed and flambéed the young alchemist. Edward had changed into dryer, warmer clothes and Roy had nearly suffocated him in blankets, more because he wanted to shut the younger alchemist's mouth than because he was genuinely concerned for Edward's health. Still, though, Ed complained about the chill of his automail, so Roy had to go out and collect firewood from outside and drag it back in. The wood was wet, but Roy arranged it in the fireplace and sat back.

Now to light it.

Roy blew on his hands. "Light the fire," he ordered Edward.

The blanket-pile shifted so Edward could peek out and give Roy a scathing look. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Of course I'm not. Light the fire."

The blanket slipped a little off Edward's head. "You're the flamer here," he pointed out. "You light it. S'not like it'll take you a lot of effort."

Roy frowned. "My gloves are wet."

"So?" Edward paused. "Oh. Well, do we have any matches or anything?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Roy shrugged. "I didn't think to bring any."

"Bastard. Fuck." Edward pulled the blankets tighter around his shoulders. "Dumbass."

Roy ignored that. "We'll just have to wait for them to dry," he decided.

"I guess." The blanket pile shifted again as Edward squirmed. "Can't you just draw an array or... y'know. Something?"

"Couldn't you?" There was a reason Roy's fire arrays were sewn into his gloves -- he hated to draw the things. He didn't, of course, tell that to Edward, who nearly worshipped the damned arrays, even if he didn't often use them.

Edward slumped. "Fire is _your_ thing," he said by way of an excuse.

"I see." Now that his hands were somewhat thawed, Roy realized, the rest of him was cold, too. He scooted closer to Ed, who was staring sullenly at the fireplace. Roy prodded what he thought may have been Edward's shoulder. "Warmer?"

"No." Edward shifted and scowled a little, obviously blaming Roy for the inconvenience.

"Not at all?"

Edward frowned. "Maybe a little."

"Good. Give me a blanket."

Edward shook the blankets threateningly, half-slapping Roy away. "No! Fuck off and find your own blankets, you heat leech!"

"Fullmetal..."

"You can't order me to do it; I'm off duty!" Edward reminded him, perhaps louder than was strictly necessary. He tightened the blankets and shifted again.

Roy sighed. "Edward, you aren't the only one capable of losing body heat!"

"Yeah, but I'm the only one with metal limbs attached to him!"

"If they annoy you that much, take them off," Roy said, scowling.

"The ports are still metal, dumbass."

Roy growled and half-shoved Edward over. When that didn't work, he grabbed a corner of the blanket and tugged. "Edward, stop being childish and let go!" He punctuated his exclamation with a tug Major Armstrong would have been proud of, and Edward came out of the blankets. Tumbled out, actually, looking startled, miserable, and irritated all the while.

Roy paused in stealing the blankets and frowned at Edward, whose teeth chattered even as he fumed.

"Why, Edward," Roy said with measured surprise. "You're positively turning blue."

Edward shot Roy a glare, which the elder expertly ignored. Roy hummed tunelessly as he gathered up the blankets, carried them to the couch, and arranged them around himself comfortably. Ah. Warm.

After some shifting and fighting with his rather rebellious limbs, which seemed to malfunction a bit when they were cold, Edward trudged over to the couch and shifted awkwardly in front of Roy. The colonel watched with vague interest.

"Yes?"

Edward tried to look pathetic and came very close to failing; Roy could still see the steel behind Edward's eyes and gestures. "I'm cold," Edward complained.

"Yes," Roy agreed. "And?"

For a moment -- just a moment -- Edward _did_ look pathetic and miserable, and, in that moment, Roy took pity on him. He sighed and moved some blankets aside. He ignored Edward's look of triumph as the blond moved under the blankets and curled up next to Roy. The automail _was_ cold; Roy winced slightly away from it when it touched his skin.

They lay there quietly for a few minutes, curled in the blankets and listening to the noises of the cabin. Edward grew restless first.

"I'm still cold," he complained. "And I'm bored, too."

Roy rolled his eyes. "What do you propose I do about it?"

Edward shrugged and the automail shifted again. "I don't know. Something."

"Ah." Even though Ed was perfectly capable of attending to his own needs, Roy reasoned, it was technically his responsibility to take care of Edward in this case, if only because this trip had been entirely his idea. He sighed and tried to think of ways to remedy the situation, but the cold automail was distracting him and Edward was keeping them pressed very close and he was _squirming_ and the squirming was dong terrible wicked things to Roy even despite the cold and...

Roy paused. Well. That was an idea.

Edward jerked a bit in surprise when Roy's lips teased his ear. "What do you think --"

"Warming you up," Roy answered, cutting Edward off with a kiss.

Things escalated from there. Edward was reluctant at first and he complained that he was too cold, but hormones won out (with some help from Roy's patient caresses and touches). It wasn't long before they had stripped off their clothes and were writhing against one another. Soon they were sweating profusely and they even threw the blankets off in their frenzy.

Edward arched a final time against Roy before he fell back, panting, to the couch, pulling Roy down with him. The automail was not cold any more and Roy no longer minded having it pressed against his chest.

Edward let out a breathy, contented sigh. "I'm all sticky now."

"Mmhm."

"Does the water in this place work?" Edward peeked an eye open at Roy as he stretched laboriously. "This place _does_ have running water, right?"

Roy rolled his eyes. "You could always clean up outside in the snow," he suggested.

"I'll get cold again."

"So?"

"So I'll get cold."

Roy offered Edward a slow smile. "I'll still be here to warm you up," he said with a mildly suggestive tone.

Edward's eyebrows shot up and Roy could practically hear him contemplating this. Then, at last, Edward smiled and curled up next to Roy again. "Nah. I'm fine like this." He yawned once and pulled a blanket over them both, reaching to grab it off the floor. "This was a good idea."

Roy nodded, smug. "I know." He rubbed a circle in Ed's back with his thumb. "Best idea I ever had."

**---end---**


End file.
